UNIVERSITY FOR HEDGEHOGS

Congrats! You’re a clever enough sausage to have a place at University! Three-∞ years(if you’re like me and never want to leave the safe-haven of education) of drinking, sex, and partying lay ahead of you! Supposedly…

If you’re a student who is anything like myself, the misconceptions that baby boomers, taxi drivers and Channel 4’s Fresh Meat give you about your university years, are slightly terrifying. . When a friend of of  your parents jokingly asks about all the ‘partying’ you do at uni, you have learnt the stock answer of ‘oh I don’t drink much, I’m not very good at being a student,’ but why aren’t you a good student? It is time, to embrace your pyjamas, your Netflix account and your duvet, snuffle into them like leaves, get comfy, take pride in your modest amount of friends! You are a Hedgehog Student and you are proud!  

I feel I must explain my choice of woodland creature, hedgehogs hibernate, which although you probably don’t sleep through the winter, staying in, being balled up, fending off potential club invites with your spines of apathy and introverson is your way! If you must, you could be any other kind of hibernating creature and if you are dissatisfied with the idea of being branded as one of the most road killed animals then go ahead and choose from the following hibernating creatures: (although none have the same ring, plus hedgehogs are smol and cute, as I’m sure, are you)

  •  Bumble Bee Student
  •  Grizzly Bear Student
  •  Alpine Marmot Student

The problem with the construction of this big student party animal myth is the fact that it makes you feel like you’re somehow studenting wrong. You see your friends that like to go out, they appear blurry eyed, clinging to their best friends and cheap cocktails in club photos on your Facebook feed, and for some reason,  it creates in you, a strange concoction of guilt and panic that you’re wasting your time away by not conforming to the stereotype.

My aim is not to shame people that enjoy a night out, in fact all of my nights out (which I could probably count on my two hands), at uni, have all been great, I even met Hodor from Game Of Thrones at one! The intention is to offer you a dish of reassurance berries, (not milk because hedgehogs are lactose intolerant) and say , you are a good student, if you’re procrastinating or studying or whatever else, you got here, you’re doing great, and the amount that you go out does not matter. If you don’t enjoy going out, stay in! Embrace it! You’re here because you love what you study (or at least have enough interest to not drop out) not to fit the party animal cookie cutter. So lets raise our mugs of tea consumed in bed to the Hedgehog students.

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